Or, why Netflix should NOT DO SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN.
Apparently, this is the writing process for Hemlock Grove.
“Here’s a book that would make an awesome TV show.”
“Okay, cool. But we’re going to make some rewrites and screw shit up exponentially, since the source material would never, ever be good enough.”
“Great. So, our show is going to be about genetic modification, mad scientists, Frankenstein, werewolves, slut-shaming she-werewolves, horny teenagers, vampires, teen angst, teen pregnancy, angels, supernatural visitations, crazy people, witches, gypsies, psychic abilities, horrific fake accents, spirit-walks, and boobs.”
“Yeah, can’t forget boobs!”
“All righty, then. I think that’s all the writing we need to do. Let’s start filming now.”
It had potential. Really. And then…no. Famke Jenson started talking. What the heck?? That accent was ATROCIOUS. It sounded horrible! It sounded like she was TRYING to sound like a wicked witch in a Disney movie.
Then other people started talking, and it sounded like the writers were channeling the original Dark Shadows. The only character I liked was Peter and his mom. Everyone else was pretentious, over-acted, so, incredibly, painfully stereotyped it HURT. The cold-eyed prince with the dark, dark secret. The psychiatrist in need of a psychiatrist. The giggling mad scientist. The evil queen surveying her crumbling empire. The angelic, too-good-for-this-world female. The shifty-eyed, angsty, hide-behind-her-hair nutjob channeling Nadine from Stephen King’s The Stand (heavens, somebody else tell me they noticed that too?). The spooky psychic with the ominous, enigmatic warnings.
Would it hurt to inject a little originality into a series, which had a WORLD of opportunities and potential at its fingertips?
Or how about answer all the questions? Why does Shelley glow? Why exactly is Ouroboros? What happened to Shelley? What was the stuff Olivia dripped in her eye? WHY DOES THE LITTLE GIRL HAVE AN EFFING TAIL? Why did cutting off the tail kill her? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT LIL’ VIGNETTE? Why was there supposedly all this animosity between the Godfreys and Romanceks, but moms and sons were buddy-buddy after a couple of heart to hearts? If Olivia was a vampire, why was she in the steel mill, puking up half-chewed meat, but later claimed the body left there wasn’t her work? And–OMG–what sort of hospital ANNOUNCES A PATIENT HAS DIED OVER THE INTERCOM? How did Roman not know he banged his half-sister/cousin? Why wasn’t the “He’s your real father” investigated or expounded upon further? And there were half a dozen more that just sort of fell by the wayside as the series got caught up in itself.
Also, wha about the dragon stuff? We have the religious werewolf slayer Order, then we have Shelley and the bum spouting poetry about seeing dragons, and then at the end, Olivia says they are not warriors, they are dragons, yet none of them tie in together, nor do they relate to one another!
What? Why? Somebody needs to answer skme questions!
The music was crappy, the car ride scenes were painfully green-screened, and only a few of the actors could read their lines without sounding like they were, well, reading from a script.
Nothing seemed original in this series, except for the first werewolf transformation. That was pretty much the only cool thing.
I wasted 13 hours watching this drivel. *facepalm* It was almost as bad as American Horror Story season 2.